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[10 Jul 2005|09:13pm]

hey, i hope no one minds me posting this here its just i really need some help

this is a post i made at laundromatic and i just thought id post it here too............

i know this is going to sound really stupid and self indulgent etc but how do you love yourself/accept yourself etc

i love and accept myself in general but not in a sexual etc way

its like as youll know from my previous posts here i havent had a boyf etc etc im a virgin blah blah


the thing is

if it turns out, lol and yeah this isa very big if if it turns out tom does like me and wants to go out etc

i dont know how im going to cope with the fact that someone fancys/likes me etc, it freaks me out totally and makes me feel like im going to be sick and i feel like i just wanna cut myself

and the thought of someone wanting to kiss me and touch me and god forbid want to make love with me that makes me feel so sick and like i just wanna cut myself

i cant possibly imagine what a guy would see in me

iwanna get rid of these horrible feelings towards myself but i dont know how to

its just like im so fat and ugly and horrid etc i cant possibly see why him or any guy would like me

dammit i just wish i was normal

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how do you get over a guy who was perfect for you? [27 Feb 2005|12:14am]

my ex boyfriend {tim} was awesome!! he was such a sweetie, he bought me flowers on mothers day and all of that. everytime i needed or wanted something he would go and get in a second, literally. he would always cook for me and just be there for me. he was perfect!! i loved him so much and he did me too{or so i thought}. i have no clue what happened but he broke up with me. he said that he needed time to be by himself because of a pre-trial deversion{he threw a rock at a window} and so i said okay..but then we talked a little later and i asked him why he really broke up with me and he said i have no clue. he told me that he still cared for me alot{his way of saying i still love you} and that i helped him through a lot of tough times and that he was really greatful for that. plus everytime we hung out you could tell that he loved me still. we use to hang out with this one couple and it was pretty much like nothing had happened..we were still dating and all of that. i would go over to his house and still stay the night. but now we don't talk at all and i've been trying to get over him forever now!! {since like august} i use to hang out with my friends and almost got back together with my ex ex but didn't..i've tried everything. please help me!! what do i do? i can't hang out with my friends anymore because they're all obsessed with their boyfriends so..you kinda have to have a boyfriend to hang out with them, go to their school, or work where they work. so i have no clue what to do......
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[17 Sep 2004|02:11am]

Ive been in this situation with this girl thats a friend of mine. We have a little bit of a history. We used to see each other...around over 2 years ago I would say. It never got too serious and things came to a clean end. Somehow we remained in touch afterwards. We talk on the phone and online a good amount. An we chill every now an than. The thing is I want to become good enough friends with her that I can call/chill with her on a regular basis. I figured that if I try and do that she will think that Im trying to get with her again (which I wouldnt mind but thats not the point). But the thing is she has a boyfriend (who cheated on her a few months back, but she stayed with him, so i dont know how much longer it will last) for 2 1/2 years or something. I respect her relationship even though hes a dick an I wouldnt try anything with her. Heres the catch though...I want to become good friends with her but I want to leave things open for a possible relationship in the future. Basically I was a jackass back than and didnt realize how good of a girl I passed up. But either ways I still want her in my life as a good friend. I know with girls that theres that certain point as friends, an if you pass it theres no shot at one. I figure that I cant have both but if theres a way to do that, that would kick ass. Basically I need to figure out a way to get her to come around more. I figure I can invite her to come out to things that a small group of friends are doing...like pool, movies etc. And if the relationship thing never happens...so be it. Cant have enough friends!

Any suggestions??
3 comments|post comment

[05 May 2004|07:10pm]

[ mood | aggravated ]

is it right for parents to stop people who have been together for 8 months for dating?
this people are in love and both don't want to break up, and will done anything to be together. you can't just drop love...

4 comments|post comment

[10 Apr 2004|10:18pm]

Thank all of you who responded to my last post. Long story short, I stayed with the current boyfriend. Now I've run into a new dilemma of sorts. *sigh*
I'm in school full time and working part time, he works close to 2 full time jobs. Due to this conflict in schedules, we NEEEEEEEEEVVVVEEEEEEEERRRRRRRR see each other. We've seen each other maybe 3 times in the past month. I told him that I needed him to be more available to me, but that I understood he was wrapped up with work and couldn't just walk away from it. He responded with *I wish I could give you the attention you deserve, but I can't. You'll always have a cozy warm place in my heart, Chellita (his lil nickname for me).* =o( So.....we're broken up. Tears my lil heart to pieces.

Now for what I need advice on. How do I explain to him that I wasn't demanding time in a *Either you spend time with me or we're through* fashion? Is there ANY way to reverse this?

Thanks in advance for any and all advice. <3
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Crying as I write this... [03 Apr 2004|12:52am]

[ mood | confused ]

Why, why, why must I STILL love somebody that is CLEARLY bad for my health...? I haven't even talked to Justine lately (Yes that's her name) and yet she's constantly been on my mind. I feel regret that I hurt her, and I miss all the good times we had...(NO! Not the sex. That has nothing to do with anything...) Yet I also remeber how we said all those things to each other like...embodied pain, so to speak. I am literally crying, yet I can also remember clearly "You fucking disgust me." Dear God, life has lost all order and sense...help me please...?

3 comments|post comment

[28 Feb 2004|12:47pm]

[ mood | confused ]

My boyfriend and his two best friends are fighting with one of my best friends. I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of it and like I have to choose sides. Please help me.

4 comments|post comment

death [20 Feb 2004|07:22pm]

[ mood | embarrassed ]

i am petrified of dieing. it sends me into total anxity when i think about it. the thought of it doesnt calm me whatsoever. what do i do to come to terms with it? its gonna happen someday, and i cant get over it =(

5 comments|post comment

[18 Feb 2004|09:31pm]

changing my life, any advice?
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[27 Jan 2004|06:03pm]




* this is just for fun! please join my community!

3 comments|post comment

The member previously known as "xscytheger" [22 Jan 2004|06:43am]

Hello again, people. I know, the name change is a bit strange, but bear with me here...anyways. Me and my girlfriend recently broke up a few weeks ago, and the odd thing is, I am very much in love with her (Even though it was a mutual breakup. We make better friends, I guess.) and it feels odd to be around her now, because how can I just be around someone I love so much without being able to express how I feel? What makes it hurt more is that when we brokre up, she told me that she didn't think she was ready for a relationship anyway, but now she "really cares" about some other guy, he's so great...blah blah. What should I do?
3 comments|post comment

[09 Jan 2004|11:06pm]

Forgive me if this sounds odd, I normally don't post like this.
My friends have given me varied levels of advice, so I figured that strangers would probably have a better chance of being correct.
Here's the deal. I've been with my boyfriend for 4 months now, I love him dearly (yes, I know it's early to love), and we have a so-so relationship (we fight a lot, he smothers me with attention, etc). In the past week I have seen my ex whom I refer to AS my HEART......long story behind it, but that doesn't matter. The ex and I haven't spoken. I've sent 2 emails each of which have been read but neither have been responded to.
Now for what I need advice on......

  • What's the reason he's not responding?

  • What should I do about my current beau?

Thanx in advance. <3
4 comments|post comment

[04 Jan 2004|01:24am]

Tired of this pain, I am just going to give it all up. Sunday is the day that I will die. My rebirth will be nothing short of life changing. All I ask for is your prayers. All or nothing, here I go.
5 comments|post comment

[31 Dec 2003|12:37am]

love sucks
4 comments|post comment

[28 Dec 2003|06:38pm]

okay heres the thing i need help with...

I brok eup with my boyfriends of 2 years in august.... he missed our2 year annirversary to sell drugs, he never came to see me.. never called me.. it was shitty.. so i meet this guy.. kinda kool decide to be friends with him.. we sleep togther a few times.. i liek him alittle bit.. but not too long after my ex does a total turn around and i basically fly right bak to him.. now the othe rguy wont leave me alone.. i have told him flat out how things are he wont stop emailibng me orIMing me.. and my boyfriend knows about this i told him bout him.. n yea well now he wants to kill him,, but anyway, i dunno what to do i really want this guy outta my life.. HELP ME PLEASEEEEE
6 comments|post comment

[25 Dec 2003|11:04am]

ok, multiple situations of stress. anyone have any idea on how to just calm down?
5 comments|post comment

[20 Dec 2003|08:38pm]

[ mood | curious ]

Remember me? well, i found out the guy on my bus does like me, and i know i dont like him in the respect....

I cant help but feel i was leading him on. I used to like him, but i know i wouldnt ever go out with him, becuase i didnt like him that much. And now that i dont, and i know that he does like me i sorta feel bad...should i???

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[19 Dec 2003|09:51pm]

so i figured out what to get my boyfriend...but i cant say until after he opens it, cuz he reads these sometimes lol
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Hi [12 Dec 2003|09:14pm]

This is my first post here. I need help. I need advice on how to trust people more. I know I have a lot of good friends, but I don't trust any of them. I trust nobody, and I would like to either start trusting or learn to do so. I am aware that with trust "sometimes" comes pain and hurt...and maybe that's why I hold back, but I need more opinions and thoughts. Please help me?
12 comments|post comment

Emptiness [10 Dec 2003|06:38am]

[ mood | depressed ]

Can anyone explain to me why I'm feeling this way? I'm feeling so sad and depressed, and yet there is no logical reason why I should feel like this. I have tried finding reasons, like residual feelings for Justine, Heather's detachment from me, coming out and telling people about my bi-sexuality, among many other reasons...but none of them work. I hate this...can somebody help me?

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